IN 1963: As a result of volcanic activity,the Icelandic island of Surtsey is born
Total outrage has caused a late season surge for the burrito kid for president. Click burrito to watch the video.
Co-Worker Boris Veino, named for his love of Eastern European trenchcoats, was named Master Soiler by “The Soiler” in a rare move. I recieved a text from the soiler, who approved the master soiler award without even consulting the soiler’s guild members. This must have been some soiling. No word on whether we have photos of this historic event. Congrats Boris!
Here’s the text
Fr: The Soiler
Boris Veino earned his master soiler award today. He did right by Marty.
Jun 4, 12:33
In honor of the greatest soiler of all time, RP has decided to initiate a new “Do Right By Marty” campaign. The phrase was coined by “The Soiler” after commenting on a rather soil-icious crayon attack on the company toilet. It’s obvious just by looking at Uncle Marty, that he could “Do Work” in the outhouse. So if it’s right by Marty, it’s right by us.
We believe we may have found the answer to the mystery soilings along the South shore, Colonel Cobber. After eating 100 ears of corn, you’re going to have to “Do Work”. We can’t write material this good, so I’ve just pasted it from the Backus Minnesota website. Also make sure to mark your calendars for August 9th for the Backus Corn Fest.
Col. Cobber was a born salesman. After years of traveling with his medicine show, Col. Cobber chose to settle “up north” where he married the Indian maiden, Tasseltop, on the southern shores of Pine Mountain Lake. They built a small cabin in the woods, surrounded by hundreds of trees. One day when he was walking amongst the many trees, Col. Cobber ran into the one man of which he had heard many legendary feats – none other than Paul Bunyan. Col. Cobber invited Paul to join he and Tasseltop for dinner, and once Paul tasted that first bite, he fell in love with corn on the cob. It’s said he ate over 100 ears that day alone.
Never one to miss a deal, Col. Cobber told Paul that he could grow ears of the sweet corn if only the trees were cleared, and they struck a bargain. Paul cleared some of that land, pulled the stumps out with the help of his Blue Ox, Babe, and the Cobbers began to grow corn. Amazingly, that corn grew and grew in soil that for hundreds of years had only fed trees, and which Babe helped fertilize. The ears became as big as Paul and his wife, Lucette. Paul could only eat two or three ears that size.
Now Tasseltop knew lots of ways to use that corn, so she taught Lucette, the cook at the logging camp, to use it as corn flour, cornmeal, corn syrup, corn pancakes, corn fritters, and even a little corn whiskey for medicinal purposes (of course). They also showed Paul and Lucette that the cobs could be used to fuel the stove during the cold northern winters.
Being the salesman that he was, Col. Cobber looked for more ways to use that corn, but he knew that the forests had to be cleared to grow it. That was when he convinced E. W. Backus to cut down more trees. He also suggested that there were enough trees for Mr. Backus to ship the logs to Kansas City as supplies to build enormous stockyards. Mr. Backus did just that, and the townspeople were so impressed that they named the town Backus – not Cobber.
Col. Cobber continued to grow his corn, but over the years, the soil was depleted of nutrients and the ears got small enough for regular people to enjoy. He continued to sell his ideas, urging anyone who would listen, that corn could be used for even more things – noting that it was the “gold” of the Up North Country. Little did he know that today corn would be used to manufacture biodegradable plastic products and as an additive to gasoline to run cars and trucks. He became known as the “Corn King”.
After all those years, the town of Backus finally recognized the efforts of Col. Cobber and decided to honor him with this carving. They wanted an “Up North” décor for it, however, so they asked Ross Olsen of the Flying Squirrel Studio to carve Col. Cobber with his chainsaw. Mr. Olsen found one of the trees still left standing and went to work.
So, here stands Col. Cobber, a monument for the town of Backus and all its visitors to remember the salesman who grew corn. It also commemorates the 30th Anniversary of the Backus Corn Fest, held the second Saturday every August.
By 2006 corn fest committee
Thought I’d post this from last summers company golf outing. The Soiler spotted the Professional Big Wood in his rental clubs.
They may not have come through for the 2007 Labor Day Mud Duck Dumpster Challenge, but they more than made up for it on Memorial Day 2008. Unfortunately, we didn’t get a before picture, but I can assure you the dumpster was empty as it’s dumped on Thursday. Our polluting friends from the west could care less about the sign clearly posted on the dumpster. Two words, “Fucking Mudducks!” Maybe it should be three words, but you get the point.
It’s been way too long since we’ve posted anything, and it would be way too embarrassing if someone were to get their hands on my cell phone with 20 potty shots on it. That being said, this one isn’t a true soiling, but it did take us by surprise when we walked into it. This was taken at the gym, and apparently the mystery soiler plugged it up tight. This nasty was allowed to ferment for at least a day, and managed to stink up the locker room pretty bad. The best part of the story is some of the graham crackers got out of the bowl, and managed to create apple brown betty all over the bathroom floor.
In an attempt to gain momentum in the upcoming election, the Burrito Kid has announced his running mate, Dougie “A lil’ front porch, a lot back deck” Camaro. Dougie was picked for his dedication to the “Free Soil” way of life. Dougie is an unemployed bricklayer who enjoys Bud Light, tighty whities, and using his outdoor shitter while talking on his 80s cell phone he purchased back during the “Glory Years.”
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