Co-Worker Boris Veino, named for his love of Eastern European trenchcoats, was named Master Soiler by “The Soiler” in a rare move. I recieved a text from the soiler, who approved the master soiler award without even consulting the soiler’s guild members. This must have been some soiling. No word on whether we have photos of this historic event. Congrats Boris!

Here’s the text
Fr: The Soiler
Boris Veino earned his master soiler award today. He did right by Marty.
Jun 4, 12:33

RottenPotty has aquired underground footage of the Burrito Kid attacking the author of the note mentioned here.

This first photo clearly shows the BK, dishing out some payback at the local gym. In the second photo, an obviously satisfied BK leaves the scene in the burritomobile.  Notice he removed his mustache to conceal his real identity.

It seems no one can resist the temptation of soiling the office bathroom. An anonymous source tells me that this soiling was the handiwork of one of the auditors gracing the office this week. No word yet on whether they were offered a full time position.

It seems the burrito kids soilings are causing quite a cataclysmic event. An unknown co-worker posted this anonymous note on the inside of the bathroom door. Guild members convened in an emergency closed door session. The response was a resounding “NO”, in regards to the cleaning another man’s soilings.  Emails were immediately sent to the Democrat and Republican front runners for their support. Updates to follows.The Burrito Kid quickly responded the only way he knows how. See next post.

Just for hump day the Burrito Kid left a special delivery. I was starting to wonder whether or not we’d ever have an office soiling again. Never fear, the Burrito Kid was just out of the office quite a bit lately.

This soiling is in a word incredible. The pictures do not do it justice at all. The pure size of these turd projectiles is cataclysmic. I’m surprised the whole office didn’t hear this eruption. If I didn’t know that the burrito kid was on vacation, I would automatically assume this was his handiwork. Move over burrito kid, there’s a new soiler in town. Maybe the mysterious brown bandit.

The work toilet has once again been hit, and as usual the “Burrito Kid” is most likely responsible. We know that the “Burrito Kid” has been eating Egg McMuffins for the last week or so, but no one witnessed todays breakfast. Best guess, breakfast burrito. We may have to conduct a MythBusters like experiment using breakfast burritos to find out whether they are in fact the ultimate soiling breakfast.

• Volcanic Explosivity: 5.0
• Overall Rating: 5.0
• Adhesion: 3.0
• Color: 3.0
• Shock Value: 5.0
• Texture: 2.0

Things took a turn for the worse in the office, as yet another Burrito Kid soiling stirred up anger. “Enough’s, enough! If you’re gonna do that clean it up!” an angry co-worker screamed. To make matters worse, the Burrito Kid had soiled and ran this morning. You wouldn’t tell Monet to burn his paintings or have the Sistine Chapel torn down. Neither shall we destroy another man’s artwork.

• Volcanic Explosivity: 4.0
• Overall Rating: 4.0
• Adhesion: 4.0
• Color: 4.0
• Shock Value: 4.0
• Texture: 2.0

After weeks of being soil free in the office, we have had action two days in a row. This soiling is by far the nicest office soiling thus far. Believed to be the handiwork of the burrito kid, this soiling works into the 30-40% seat coverage range. This is very high explosivity for a controlled work environment. Normally, you will only see this amount of pressure in a public restroom. Soil on my brother, Soil on!

• Volcanic Explosivity: 5.0
• Overall Rating: 7.0
• Adhesion: 3.0
• Color: 2.0
• Shock Value: 5.0
• Texture: 2.0

This sticky specimen took two flushes in addition to the initial flush of the mystery soiler to clear out. Overall this soiling lacks the artistry of some of the earlier ones, but is still a soiling to be proud of.

• Volcanic Explosivity: 1.0
• Overall Rating: 3.0
• Adhesion: 5.0
• Color: 3.0
• Shock Value: 2.0
• Texture: 3.0